Losing my Mother :: The Day before::

Part Two. If you missed Part one of My moms story, Go here.

“It wasn’t what you thought it would be” was said to me by my grandfather.

I never new my grandfather. My mom’s father, died when my mother was only 13 years old. Though all throughout my life I have had dreams of him and have felt him very close growing up into an adult.

A few years back, I remember having this very vivid dream.

The kind where you wake up and for a brief few seconds you’re not sure what was the dream and what is real life.

Well, that night, that was one.

I dreamed that my grandfather and I were standing on a bridge overlooking this beautiful scenery and I was upset. Heartbroken over something that was happening in my life and I remember he leaned in and chuckled softly as he grasped me in a hug

and said “It wasn’t what you thought it would be.”

To know me, is to know that I think a lot. Worry a lot. And most of the time things never turn out as I think there going to. The good or the bad. So, that dream and that small moment have always stayed with me. Like a protective blanket to shelter me when things get tough.

I can remember that dream and remember that moment of my grandfather’s soft chuckle …

“It wasn’t what you thought it would be”
That though in this life it may not turn out the way I think it is,

everything will still be in control.

The day before my mother passed away, I had the day off.

It was the first day of May.

The sun was out and I and my girlfriends had planned a full day of shopping in our neighboring city.

My mom had a doctors appointment that day and my aunt Carolyn or I was going to take her. Considering who got home in time.

I lost track of some of my girlfriends at the mall and

it made us leave the mall later then planned.

My mom never made it to the doctor.

Earlier that week I had learned of young guy that I worked with at the hospital was planning to ask me out. So, with the shopping trip and just learning of a new crush, I was pretty excited to just get out with the girls and stay out all day without a care in the world.

I spoke to her on the phone a few times and that we would just go the next day to the doctor.
I returned home about 9:30ish and said a quick hello and what happened that day.

I remember she looked really tired and a little pale.

I hopped straight to the shower. Excitement going all through my mind of what was going to happen when I returned to work the next day if Jason was going to ask me out.

I got out, wrapped my towel around and headed out the door.

My mom was sitting in her room on the bed watching TV at the immediate left of our bathroom.

I walked in and on into the kitchen to the laundry area. She had two doors that went into her room. One from the hallway and the other that went into the kitchen/laundry area.
I retrieved my night clothes that I had just washed and walked back into her room. She said, “What smell is that? Your new shampoo?" I replied yes and my lotions. She told me that it all smelled really good as I smiled and continued on to my room.

So heartbreaking do I now come to realize that that was

the last thing my mother ever said to me.
I have no memories of any other final conversations.

Looking back now and thinking about what my life is now,

So close to two years after my mother…
My grandfather’s words of comfort,

"It wasnt what you thought it would be"

give me peace that all is still going to be okay even though that life after that day was definately not what I thought it would be.

The Magic of an Ordinary Day

The last two days have been lovely.
Pure Sunshine.
So, to the front porch we go.
As a true Tennessee girl, I am in full favor that life can’t get any better then a bright sunny day, with a cool light breeze blowing your hair lightly up as you sway back and forth on your wicker swing, front porch style.
Everyone should have a front porch with a wicker swing.
All day, it was just the simple magic’s of an ordinary day.
Cute Sun dresses. Out to lunch. Light shopping. A long walk in the evening followed by ice-cream cones with a cute stud.

Today, this was what it was all about for me.

A Morning with my Granny

Late Friday evening, I received some heartbreaking news. My grandmother, Granny was pronounced brain dead on Friday and was being taken off a ventilator early Saturday morning.

She died of the exact same thing as my mother did except just in the brain and not to the heart.

A blood clot.

Saturday morning, I arose quickly on a beautiful sunny beginning and traveled to the Abingdon Hospital to say goodbye.

Unbelieving as it seemed, I was the first one there.

I spent 25 minutes with just granny and me.

The sun was shinning and I just held her hand.

I thanked her for having the honor of being her granddaughter

and talked about all the things I wanted her to know.

My hopes. My dreams. Plans.

And then it just came to me, that the best way to say goodbye & even though my granny and me are not of the same religious faith, I began to just humm all my favorite hymns to her.

My granny was truly sweet.
Her hands and skin were always so soft and smooth.

She had beautiful clear eyes that made you know that you were beautiful & loved.

Tuesday, will be the funeral.

Nearer My God to Thee

Nearer to Thee

E'en though it be a cross That raiseth Me.

Still all my song to shall be, Nearer my God to thee

Nearer my God to Thee

Nearer to Thee

::MY FAVORITE MAN::

Okay, right now...My heart just about came out of my chest! I kid you not! Most of you should know or may not know...DONT CALL ME ON TUESDAY OR WEDNESDAY NIGHTS! ! ! Why?

It's freakin AMERICAN IDOL THATS WHY! ! !

And this year, I, Tierra Lynne Coleman am absolutely head over heels in love with Matt Giraud! I LOVE HIM! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE HIM! He is the reason I watch the show...I think he is so dang sexy when he sings and when he does that lip quiver thing and hits those raspy notes....Oh. MY. GOODNESS. I melt! ! ! As I said at the beginning, it's all about the men...Well now, it's all about this guy.

Matt Giraud!

Dear Future Hubby,

Could you possibly be Matt Giraud??? Oh come on...PLEASSSSEEEE!

::Story Time::

Now let me tell you a very true true true freakin insane story. Last night, I was driving home from work *speeding* to get home for Idol. In the CD player was a cd a friend made me with a ton of love songs on them. One of my absolute favorite songs is "To really Love a Woman" by Bryan Adams. I listened to it 3 times in a row going home. And the thought came to mind that I should really do a post about how just dead sexy that song is when you really listen to the words.

So,lets speed to the moment Matt is about to preform. It was movie night and low and behold Matt.....MY Matt....Picked to sing "To really Love a Woman"....

To say, I was floored, insanely ecstatic doesn't even cover it! ! !

I just could not believe it.

Then to my sad disappointment, I didn't think he did that great. Good but not one of his best. I knew there was a chance he would be in the bottom three.

And so, I called at least ten times last night for Matt.

This is crazy...I have always watched Idol but in all the years have NEVER repeat NEVER called in and voted until this season for Matt. Thats right.

Just now started!

So when he was put in the bottom three, I wasn't shocked. You should have seen me screaming like a mad woman to the TV screen {while my aunt Carolyn thinking I'm nuts looking on} begging for it not to be him to go home.

Alas....It was him! I WAS SO UPSET!!!!!!!!!!! This year though on Idol if you are not a watcher or didnt know, the judges can save you. If they think you deserve another chance, they get to veto the outcome and you can stay for another week. So with that, Matt got to sing one last time to save his soul! I was *up* in my seat screaming and I thought he did a wayyyy better job then last night.

The whole audience was up and chanting "SAVE MATT"

Now, all judges have to agree and they only get to use this just once per season.

So that means next week, who ever goes home goes home with no chance of being saved.

It all came down to Simon. Simon Simon Simon.....SAVE MY MAN....I screamed!

Halle Freakin Lujah

....THEY SAVED HIM!!!!!

I am HAPPY :)

Now, do i think Matt will win...Nope. Sad as it is, I know that Adam Lambert will probably win and I really could care less! I just want him to stick around as long as he can and make it to the top five!
Matt dear....I'll be seeing you on tour!

I'm GOING to that Concert!!!!!!!

Easter

I know I know it's Tuesday and I'm just now getting to post on Easter. So instead of telling the tale of how it went---which was GREAT & LOUD---I just want to share my small thought about what Easter meant to me. Family. It's all about family and I'm so grateful to have a small part of it. I have two older girl cousins above me and two younger below me that I'm really close too. With that, it puts me in the middle. And oh what a sweet middle it is.

My favorite moment from that day was when we all gathered in the dining room as my

Uncle led us into the blessing for our Easter dinner.

All heads were bowed and arms folded and I stole one small peek around the room.

It was endearing to my soul to know, that together, as a whole family, I will always be with them. To know that my grandparents in Heaven looking on of what the two of them created, will always be together brings such peace into my life. So Family. Easter. Thankful for all of the blessings of the Savior to make us a family, Family is what it's all about for me. Enjoy the pictures everyone! You may not know them but their mine and to me, that's all that matters.

That Easter Bunny is one Terrific fellow. I wonder if he has connections with cupid?

Me and my aunt "granny Carolyn" always make an Easter basket for Angelus. We might go a little overboard but i can totally do that because I'm the Auntie He-he!

For my momma number two, My aunt Carolyn I made her an Easter basket this year! With ER going off the air, We needed alittle ER therapy in our lives LOL So, I got her some favorite goodies, new hair picks and the first season of ER!

Auntie Carolyn "aka Easter bunny helper" did a sweet job. Easter Lille's are my favorite flower.{remember that if i eva do a quiz on how well you know me LOL}
She bought me a small matching basket to hers and filled it with a few favorite things. Sharpies, my favorite style of writing pens! People Style magazine--bless that woman--dove chocolate {that doesn't exist anymore LOL} and two Holiday stuffed animals picked out by me! {Also note that I collect small holiday stuffed animals, I'm such the girlie!}

These two our favorite things LOL all dressed up in Easter dresses! Your Never to old for that! NEVER!! Mine was a sweet deal from Old Navy sun dress for $19.99

Hailey Bay and me. The family firecracker and hands down favorite to everyone! Shes turning 16 soon and I just will not except this!

Tanner, Tanner, Tanner...*sighs* he can be the pain in the butt little cousin but can be such a sweet guy. I have entitled this pictures as "Ladies...how you doin?!?" as he interrupted the shot!

"What Up?" as tanner would say! Yeah...someone remind me to do a whole post on this guy?

This picture SAYS. IT. ALL. Do you have any sweet but yet so annoying little cousins who thinks and knows hes the stuff? I DO!

Hailey doing what she does best! Lighting up the room with that smile and laugh.

Sisters are a great thing. And they are beautiful!

As Tanner yells "take off your high heels Carrie!!!"

Tanner just turned 13. His voice is changing and he's taller then us all. And reminds us 24/7! He may be annoying and loud and the attitude is in a great need of a major underwear wedgee to his butt BUT he has the sweetest side. When my cousin Kelly arrived with her newly 3 week old, he went straight into Tanners arms and there it stayed. And he wouldn't let anyone take it!

This is my favorite photo from this weekend. I am 100% on time being to short and my aunt Carolyn is the oldest female in the family. The Matriarch. And so I always try and take pictures with her with everyone. Notice the Patrick Family big, brown oval eyes!

Cousins doing what they do best! Head for the video games! Take notice of Carries "big kid" fiance at the controls. LOL

Getting ready for the Easter Egg Hunt.

"Stop taking pictures" they yell LOL Angelus & Saylor are such the buddies! In my family from my grandmother, we hunt eggs with money into. Small change and dollar bills! This year Saylor found the big egg with $7.00 in it! We all donate and you get to hunt till age 10.

I wish i could talk to my grandparents and ask them to "reconsider" the age limit LOL

Saylor in her pretty pink dress! Notice the egg with stickers on it as the "BIG EGG"

I cannot say enough to you all to express how much this stunning young lady in navy blue is to us all! Her faith so surpasses mine and oh how better the world is to have her in!

Last though, My aunt Carolyn put a card with my Easter basket and I opened it later that night. I am so utterly grateful for her as my true best friend. Inside the message read,

"Happy Easter to a Wonderful Daughter

who shares laughter and love,

Who believes in her dreams,

and touches the world with her own special magic."

Still my soul. I love you Aunt Carolyn!

::Giveaway Results::

Oh ladies, I have had so much fun seeing your answers and going back to read some of your favorite posts. I can honestly say I'm so shocked on the ones you picked because they touched some on mine. It was so hard to pick a winner because you ladies are good. Real good and hit four out of five of my top five. NO LIE! When I saw that, I was like...SHUT UP! No way! ! ! So, I decided to have more then one winner. There's 3! I can do that because it's my blog and I make the rules. Sweeeeet!

The first Winner is Shayla! Girl, I gotta tell ya that when I saw BOTH of your picks, my mouth fell open! I sometimes wonder what stands out about me that people remember from each post to post and those two were the REAL me. No joking aside, just me and what i was really going through and really think/hope for my life.

Shayla's picks were the "My Knight and My Never" post and the "Wish List" post I did. Both posts always stand out in my mind because the wish list post for my Life list is truly what i think about all the time. Like an inside twitter note to the real me. Then the the other was really hard to share. My knight and my never if your new to know me is/was a huge deal for me.

So dearie, this was in honor of my moms birthday and my mom loved makeup from Estee Lauder. I have put together a small collection of make up lovelys to be sent your way, wrapped in of course damask wrapping! So send that address to my email and it will be on your way!
The second winner is Ann Marie! She picked the post titled "Say". This was all for my mom. I remember that night. It was a typical day, nothing major going on and then i heard a song that was my moms favorite come on the TV in the background and all of a sudden, I had something to Say. "Say" post was number three on my list of my top five and Ann, I'm thankful it touched you! You, as well will be receiving a small damask wrapped box of Estee lauder goodies!

And finally, the third winner is Amber F. She picked my "Being Thankful". This one, really stands out to me because I wrote it to the most important people in my life on thanksgiving. So sweetie, I'm adding to your lip gloss collection and you get two Estee Lauder Lip glosses!

Thank You all for your sweet comments. As you can see the video is not up. We tryed and tryed but it was two large a format that blogger or youtube would take! I'll keep trying but Your emails and comments were so sweet and meant alot.

PS. I'll report later on how I spent the day!

Side note:

Just to warn everyone really quick, tomorrow, I have something really important I have been working on for my mom BUT for some reason, my computer has decided to have a PMS melt down and wont let me post the video.

HOWEVER
I am just going to try and out smart it and upload it at my cousins house tomorrow but this will delay it coming up first thing, so if you come here tomorrow and still See this note...You'll know why. Just hold that thought and check back alittle lata and"hopefully" a miracle will happen :)

Also, to let you all know that even though my heart breaks knowing that i have no mother to sing to tomorrow, I still shall be enjoying her day by doing what I,We, do best...Shopping!
It's my day off and I have so many things to get done for Easter and the weather is suppose to be great! So I'll be heading toward the mall...YAY!

PS. Don't forget about the Giveaway below...Just incase your interested...hehe...Lata!

::GIVEAWAY:: ::GIVEAWAY::

This Thursday will be a very bittersweet day for me. If my mom was still alive, it would have been her 56th birthday. I cannot portray or put enough emotion into this post to come close of showing you all how much I wish....WISH... my mother was still here.

So, in honor of her & her birthday, I'm doing a giveaway. Now, let me clarify that this is not for comments. If I get just five comments, then just five will be from whom I choose. Any and all comments will be wel-come though. If you haven't de-lurked yourself and would like to that's great! ! ! If not and just want to silently watch, great too. This is strictly in honor of my moms day.

So, here's how this Giveaway will work...I didn't want you to just comment and me pick from that. If you would like to enter for the giveaway, here's what you can do.

SNOOP till your hearts content on old posts.

The person that names a favorite post that IS or CLOSE to some of MY favorite older post will win. You are fully aloud to go back and snoop. Why? Even myself couldn't tell you what I posted about 5 post ago. So if you have one that stands out in your mind or find one that you remember and really liked, Name that post sista! Or if your recently new, this way you can get to know me better and dive into the archives. Got it?

Thursday, will be just for my mom. I have something very special that I've been working really hard on and I will avail it then. This is why alot of "not commenting" have comefrom me.

I will not be picking or revealing the winner until Friday.

Until then, Happy snooping!

Hold Up..Wait ONE Minute!

Last week, I received a phone call from dear sweet Carrie. She began to tell me that her step-mother just joined the band wagon of twilighters after seeing the movie and now was totally obsessed. I was like...."shut UP?!?!?"

Now, Carrie & me are close. Close close...We love just about the same in everything. So when I hit the twilight buzz of obsessed O-Rama Mania last year...

I was like.."CARRIE YOU MUST READ THIS!"

"YOU WILL LOVE IT!"...and so the excuse was

"Well, Tierra I just dont have the time right now"

or

"Okay, well maybe next week" was all i heard the entire last year.

Lets repeat that.

I heard those excuses the entire time of last year!!!

Even when the movie came out i BEGGED her to read or at least watch the movie with me.

Nope. Carrie was not budging the little turd!

well ya know what folks....Friday, I received another phone call.

"Tierra, your gonna hate me"

"Why???"

"I watched Twilight......"

WHAT! WHAT! WHAT!

YOU DID IT WITHOUT ME!!!!!

"Tierra...I LOVEd IT!" I'm obsessed"

To spare you all the rest of our convo....CARRIE HAS FINALLY SEEN THE LIGHT!!!! All weekend we talked about twilight. Watching the extra features. Talking about the books. Whats coming ahead. looking at things on the net. Youtubing.

I told you so SUCKA!!!!!

To the Front Porch...

{clicky to see the rock-bride to be Carrie Chomping on the amazing Hamburger}

This weekend had to be by far the best "feed your soul" with sunshine moments. All bare with me this week, no "get to know me Monday" either. So many things took place and pictures to come. Okay well maybe not TONS of things but enough that i don't want to put it all in one post but know that this will all span from this weekend.

To my family, if you say food...Well, you don't have to holla twice! I just LOVE it when it comes to this time of year on into the summer. Every weekend, its always a phone call to relatives with a "you wanna cook out?" speeding through the wires.

So off we go with our "first" cookout for the season hosted at my house. The cousins that were here, We all took a nice long walk while the food was being prepared. Us Patrick's are very impatient people when we have to wait So a walk we go.

The weather was PERFECT! Sun BRIGHTLY out and 70 degrees made it a sweet wel-come for me to sport around my new sun dress.

Oh goodness...this weekend we did hamburgers

but i think i hear the call of steaks next time around with shrimp. Ye-haw!

We always head to the front porch during the spring & summer.
Sweet love. Sweet love.

Here Comes the Sun...

Two Heaven's

So, Um...Yeah.

I HIGHLY recommend

Hershey's limited edition of Coconut Creme Kisses.

Like. I Love them. Like B.A.D.

Today, I suffered a Shampoo Death. I have been in mourning all day.

My shampoo I used to use and was planning on doing a post on how much it

"rocks my world"

Had to leave me.

Due to reasons not ready to share.

So.

Today I went to my salon and told them my sad tale.

They truly felt my pain.

But, Alas they turned my attention to this new little lady in green.

Now, we all have our own particular sweet juices for our hair.

For me.

This new Lady in Green, "Design Line Olive Oil-Regis Salon"

Became my Hair Heaven.

1 Heaven + 1 Heaven =

Bliss.

This is all.