Losing my Mother :: The Day before::

Part Two. If you missed Part one of My moms story, Go here.

“It wasn’t what you thought it would be” was said to me by my grandfather.

I never new my grandfather. My mom’s father, died when my mother was only 13 years old. Though all throughout my life I have had dreams of him and have felt him very close growing up into an adult.

A few years back, I remember having this very vivid dream.

The kind where you wake up and for a brief few seconds you’re not sure what was the dream and what is real life.

Well, that night, that was one.

I dreamed that my grandfather and I were standing on a bridge overlooking this beautiful scenery and I was upset. Heartbroken over something that was happening in my life and I remember he leaned in and chuckled softly as he grasped me in a hug

and said “It wasn’t what you thought it would be.”

To know me, is to know that I think a lot. Worry a lot. And most of the time things never turn out as I think there going to. The good or the bad. So, that dream and that small moment have always stayed with me. Like a protective blanket to shelter me when things get tough.

I can remember that dream and remember that moment of my grandfather’s soft chuckle …

“It wasn’t what you thought it would be”
That though in this life it may not turn out the way I think it is,

everything will still be in control.

The day before my mother passed away, I had the day off.

It was the first day of May.

The sun was out and I and my girlfriends had planned a full day of shopping in our neighboring city.

My mom had a doctors appointment that day and my aunt Carolyn or I was going to take her. Considering who got home in time.

I lost track of some of my girlfriends at the mall and

it made us leave the mall later then planned.

My mom never made it to the doctor.

Earlier that week I had learned of young guy that I worked with at the hospital was planning to ask me out. So, with the shopping trip and just learning of a new crush, I was pretty excited to just get out with the girls and stay out all day without a care in the world.

I spoke to her on the phone a few times and that we would just go the next day to the doctor.
I returned home about 9:30ish and said a quick hello and what happened that day.

I remember she looked really tired and a little pale.

I hopped straight to the shower. Excitement going all through my mind of what was going to happen when I returned to work the next day if Jason was going to ask me out.

I got out, wrapped my towel around and headed out the door.

My mom was sitting in her room on the bed watching TV at the immediate left of our bathroom.

I walked in and on into the kitchen to the laundry area. She had two doors that went into her room. One from the hallway and the other that went into the kitchen/laundry area.
I retrieved my night clothes that I had just washed and walked back into her room. She said, “What smell is that? Your new shampoo?" I replied yes and my lotions. She told me that it all smelled really good as I smiled and continued on to my room.

So heartbreaking do I now come to realize that that was

the last thing my mother ever said to me.
I have no memories of any other final conversations.

Looking back now and thinking about what my life is now,

So close to two years after my mother…
My grandfather’s words of comfort,

"It wasnt what you thought it would be"

give me peace that all is still going to be okay even though that life after that day was definately not what I thought it would be.