no "right" words to make things better........

yesterday. this morning. this afternoon. this evening. and tonight. i knew what today meant. today meant that the boy i liked was leaving.

(image found on my pinterest page- my new favorite quote)

as i sit here an type this, i think about all that has transpired between a friendship of a boy and a girl. me & justin. justin & me.
and with that, my heart hurts. promises were broken. text messages never returned and phone calls never made.
and just like that, a friendship ended. and now he's in a car driving to attend BYU-Idaho.


now i am not saying this was all his fault. things go 50/50. i shall take my fair share....but still.
promises were broken. text messages never returned and phone calls never made.

and with that, there are no "right" words to make this better.

During the Twelve days of Christmas..... (and a shot in the rear)

my body gave me Bronchitis! i thought it was just a cold. so i pushed through it and pushed and willed my body into going out into the cold into stores. to church on sunday and even going into work a shift at the hospital. and from there it went from just bad to worse. to even more worse.

right in the middle of my holiday cheer and trying to finish up wrapping and shopping and such....my body just gave out. i have never had bronchitis before and all can say is my list for santa went from please send me an IPAD too please just make me well!!! and fast! tonight is the first night i feel 85% better. i took a shower. clean clothes. clean hair. awwww much better. on monday when i crawled myself to the doctor first thing that morning (which was no easy task) he took one look at me and some deep breathing to listening to my lungs and ordered a fast shot to the butt of steroids. can i just say i have never loved a getting shot as much as i loved getting that one? holy goodness, i went to feeling like deaths door to three hours later able to breathe and taste a cup of broth. he also put me on a high antibiotic and it's helping tremendously so, but now i think i might be getting a yeast infection (gross)!

after my shower, i took one look at my living room of holiday wonderful-ness that then looked like a sick germ infested snowball of tissues and  immediately went into picking up, disinfecting, wiping off phones, remote controls, spraying furniture and putting blankets in the wash. my living room is now back to normal.

my thankful list includes:

• Gatorade. lot's an lot's of Gatorade.
• tissues (three boxes were used)
• insurance (my shot to the butt and the antibiotic came to a whopping $900 dollars! thanks to great insurance, i payed $12 bucks!)
• disinfecting wipes -need i say more?
• soups- i am a FIRM believer that soups play a key role in getting bettter.
• funny txt messages from friends and family cousins to entertain me.-justin beiber anyone?
• wonderful, sweet guy friends at church to give me a blessing. endless gratefulness for that.
• disinfecting spray. (i have sprayed EVERYTHING!)
• my aunt carolyn who has been my runner to picking up foods and making me soups and getting prescriptions and being there for what ever i needed. I just PRAY she does not get sick!!!!!!!!
• christmas cards. making myself at least get up to go to the mailbox for holiday mail!
• and finally, that shot to the butt! goodness, life savor i tell ya! life saver!!!!

i sincerely hope every has a merry, GERM SICK free christmas. and in the words of my friend Ann from facebook..... 
Merry Christmas....WASH YOUR HANDS!

around here ( living room "mess")

my living room looked like this three nights ago. and it still looks like this as i type. it's my favorite kind of mess. packages starting to pile up. ribbons and yarns and scissors and tape all clustered together. wrapping paper everywhere......it's christmas time for sure at my house! except for the now tissues strung about because i have a cold it's beautiful!

never say never (the fray)

ladies an gents. I, am a horriable blogger. *sighs* oh well. Today i am home with a cold (like what's new) and i decided that i at least wanted to post about my second biggest thing that has happened to me this year. first, i met my favorite actor back in april in person. Then this past week, i was able to get tickets  ((((awesome up close)))) to see my favorite band preform. and when i say my favorite....i mean it!  i have loved this band from the start and and when i heard that they were coming to my area for a concert...I did everything i could to get tickets (the event was sold out within days) for me and my little cousin Hailey who just happens to love them as much as me. the fray. THE FRAY!!!

in case you didnt read that right.....THE FRAY! that's right, me and hailey were rocking out to the fray on december 11th and making are selves hoarse. the night was fantastic! alive! i shall always hold that night close. isn't it something that you can say you've had to big things accomplished in a year?!

here are the links to my favorite fray songs.
heartbeat is their current single. and when they played it that night....everyone went crazy...including myself lol

over my head (cable car)  ||  you found me   ||  how to save a life ||  never say never || heartbeat

a table full of thanks

i decided last minute to put together a table for me an the grownup grandchildren--my fellow cousins. complete with name cards an all! it was a sweet success. other then the hideous metal chairs (i said this was last minute) it was stunning! i loved the navy blue with cream napkins and wood tones complete with real pears as a take home treat.

now it's on to christmas decorating! and i'm happy to report i've already started some shopping. hope everyone had a wonderful thanksgiving! i know i for sure was "stuffed" teehee

Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing

tonight, i seem to be bursting within myself of thanksgiving. i truly am utterly grateful for so many things. this thanksgiving, i'm feeling extremely thankful for my family because i came so very close to not being able to spend the holiday with them.

when you work at a hospital, there is no such thing as having every holiday off. it's just not possible. so every year, your on a track of every-other-year. example: last year i had thanksgiving off, so this year i knew i would be working thanksgiving etc etc an so it goes.... the heartbrake came when my hours changed and i would have to go in at 11:30 Am and not be off until 8 PM that night. basically missing both sides of my families thanksgiving dinners.

my heart was broken. so very broken knowing i would not be there with my cousins... knowing my head would not be able to bow for the family thanksgiving prayer always given by one of my uncles.

i just couldn't fathom not being with my family.

then, i decided to go out on a HUGE limb and ask my head boss to let me come in at 2:30 in the afternoon instead of 11:30 in the morning. just picture a  moment when you might have had to go to the principals office.... that was what it felt like going to my head boss.

i pleaded. annnnnnd pleaded. and then.....a smile. a wee small one from my boss. with a major promise to be there directly at 2:30 pm on the dot......she would let me do it.

i tell ya, miracles happen people! they truly do.

so tonight, and all day long my heart has been filled instantly with this huge gratitude for my family. now knowing what it might feel like to be without them....

i've been on the phone with my girls cousins making plans. and im so excited ((ecstatic))) to see them. i'm also happy to announce that my cousin carrie, is expecting a baby in july of next year! we are all so very happy for her and her husband.

i keep thinking of nephi from the book of mormon to where he states he was born of goodly parents. i know that feeling nephi....i know it well. not only goodly parents but of a good family. things might be crazy. things may never go as i think they will go in my life but for always....i have a good family.
i could list all the many things i am thankful for. and believe me, that list is long. working at a hospital you see things that really focus on all the horrible things that can happen to your health and your family. but today and tonight and tomorrow and thanksgiving day....i have my family in my heart.

and that is my fount of blessings. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERY ONE!

Breaking Dawn of course!

like i said in my last post....my world today is all.     about.       this! as i type this, i'm thinking back to how this all started. how the twilight saga become my "it" thing. and also the fact that I've met Robert Pattinson! (((aaahhhhhhhhh)))) but really an truly. this is just about me. a simple girl who lost her mom and then discovered these books. and everything was made easier by getting back into life because i fell in love with a guy named edward cullen.

it gave me something to look forward too. call it cheesy. call it ridiculous. but this is mine. my love. my interest. my dedication.


and i wouldn't miss this wedding for all the world! so just in case you've been srsly hiding in a cave and have no life....check out the trailer annnnnnnnnd my favorite song so far from the Breaking Dawn Soundtrack. probably sometime today as your reading this, i will be in the theater waiting all day to reserve my seat with friends for the midnight showing.
yep, that's right......    all      day     long.
dedication baby!

Shall we say...I've been M.I.A?

i cannot believe it's November! let alone, thanksgiving is NEXT week. NEXT WEEK! i could spend a lot of computer time an post about all the things that were going on in october.....but let me just say it was a good month! we did are annual pumpkin farm day with the fam that was wonderful! halloween was spooktaculer as ever annnnnnd shortly after Halloween someone turned 26. an lets just say 26 has got a kick!

after last year's 25th birthday "back to the eighties" bash...I knew i wanted 26 and any other birthdays to be low key. and i really mean low key. not to mention but i had to work at the hospital on my birthday :(
HOWEVER that did not stop me from at least celebrating "low key"style a few days prior with of course...my annual cookie cake! the day was spent shopping and out to lunch with my aunt and then followed by my best friend jenny coming later that night for cake and pizza! we laughed and laughed and laughed! it was like old times when it was just the jen and tierra show and all it was about was gossiping, laughing, and eating!

now the holidays are FAST FAST approaching and my head is starting to defiantly spin in witch direction to head first! but....this week is going to be big! like, wedding style big! I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself! can you guess on why this week is big? i'll give ya a hint........FEATHERS! hahaha! tune in later to see what's up!

Pinterest Anyone?

the new thing (well, not really new) that's popping up more and more is pinterest. it's a place to organize all your thoughts, interests, decorating tips, styles, craft ideas, and just about a thousand different other things you can "pin" to create a board. and the simple unique thing is...it's all about you! your interests and the things you like. how lovely is that? and everything's right there in organized "boards" for you to remember things by and their web address already attached to it. and we all know how i just adore to be organized!

if your on pinterest already, i'd love to follow you!
if not, you can get started by email invite only. so let me know and i'll send you a link for the invite.

and will be pinterest buddies forever more - xoxoxox

the start of something BOOtiful (October 1st weekend)

this weekend was good. it was oh so good. it started off with going to my hometown football game friday night for the homecoming game (we won!) and rooting for the mighty viking team and my cousin who was on the homecoming court. more on that to come.

the rest of the weekend was spent waking up saturday morning and fixing french toast for my growing handsome little man pictured above, just the way he likes it. with two slices of texas toast bread in the french dip batter, fried and sprinkled with powder sugar and the syrup hot, lightly drizzled.

next it was onto the pumpkin patch to pick the first of many pumpkins for the season at stickley farms. what you can't tell from the last two photos, is that the hill was pretty steep and he was getting quite annoyed that i was taking pictures while he pulled our load. he he. i believe buying pumpkins on october 1st is a MUST!

the rest of the weekend  was spent decorating a little for this.
and listening to this.  with my favorite talk from her.  and doing wee bit of shopping from here.
and i just might have bought this from online here.
and finally, watching this with friends to kick off the the month of all things scary!

how was your first weekend in October? my favorite month of the year!

in thirty eight days....

i'll be turning twenty six.

and i just do not know how i feel about that......

You are Not Forgotten

"Sisters, wherever you are, whatever the circumstances may be, you are not forgotten. No matter how dark your days may seem, no matter how insignificant you may feel, no matter how overshadowed you think you may be, your Heavenly Father has not forgotten you. In fact, He loves you, with an infinite love.
—President Dieter F. Uchtdor"


...i needed to know this today more then i could ever say....

around here (yesterday evening 6:30pm)

i was out shopping. the fall "crafting bug" has struck. and yarn is all the rage right now for fall wreaths.

do check back to see how it turns out won't you dearies?

a birthday with to many themes (that sounds so lame <--------)

*sighs* ...that week....the one i talked about in my last post....oooooooh was it a doozy! so much so, that my brain just couldn't focus on the right "theme" for angelus's birthday this year. so whats a girl to do but go to target and just get a little of everything into the pile. yep. that's right..i was going SO insane that very busy week that for his school classroom party (i do that to save money instead of spending tons at some lame kids party place) i did everything in star wars. for his cake at the "family" party, i went with TRON because lame O Walmart proclaimed they were out of star war  cake decor and transformer decor. again, i was SO over it at that point that i didn't.    even.     care!

but, needless to say the cake was ordered, the school party was a success (with no help from my work not willing to cut me a break) presents were bought and wrapped....and i even manged to take a shower ANNNND help him with all his scout projects. did i forget anything? hmmm...OH yeah....all of the decor for his family party was transformers....So lets see....Transformers, Star Wars, Tron....I think i just about covered it wouldn't ya say?


Enough with my whining. Next week we are off to the beach and I'll have plenty of time to forget about the world while there. *SQUEE!


To note 9 things about my not so little man is as following:

1) He recently learned how to snap his fingers. My little snapper snaps ALL.    THE.   TIME!

2) Legos...Legos.....Legos! Thats all he plays with. I mean really, how many Legos can a guy have? TOO MANY! His little life right now is all about earning money to buy more legos.

3) With reading we have entered into the stage of reading all things about The Diary of a Whimpy Kid series.

4) When he grows up, he proclaims that he will be an astronaut. And I am currently on the hunt for an astronaut costume for Halloween because I quote "that's all i want to be" is always stated very dramatically. Or any ideas on how to make one? Let me know.....

5) Plain Hamburgers with ketchup or plain hotdogs with ketchup or corndogs are his fave.

6) The kid lives for sweets and breads....if i would let him, he would eat my homemade chocolate cake, kit kats, or oreos or any type of roll or bagel for every meal.

7) He is still the most polite kid I know. I look at other little boys at school and i think to myself...I don't know how I did it but he is very respectful of others around him and his manners. *sidenote: a kid at school gave him a dollar for his birthday during his classroom party and he said "thank you but i cant take your money, you need it" and gave it back. WITHOUT my prompting to do so. I was so proud!

8) His favorite song right now is Tonight by Neyo and Pitbull.  He sings this with a little heart content in the back seat. It's too funny!

and finally 9) He still has this major crush on his older cousin Hailey who is 18teen. She was all he wanted at his birthday party! It's the cutest thing ever! When she called to wish him happy birthday and i handed him the phone, his whole face lit up and was smiling from ear to ear.

a nine yearold birthday

i am so behind! last week was one of the hardest weeks in my working career up to this date! and wouldnt you know it, anything and everything had to be jammed into that week(church YW activities, nephews major school project due, his scout projects due, house to clean, laundry, his birthday parties to plan, presents to buy, cakes to order etc etc) and yet work demanded a lot of hours. darn that hospital! hence me being wayyyyy behind. anywho....

my baby turned 9 on saturday. NINE! as in this will be his last year in single digits and then double digits from now on. NO. FREAKIN. WAY! it really was just the other day that a 16teen yearold tierra was holding and feeding and changing diapers to her brand spankin new nephew. sidenote: i gave him his very first bottle and changed his first diaper when he was only 4 hours old. and didnt have a clue to what i was doing LOL your probably askin why is that? where was his mother? and to that i say...i'm still asking where his mother is.....but thats another story for another day. -----------------------> moving on.

did you hear me say he's NINE!   NINE      NINE      NINE! ....my goodness time flys. and i don't like it one bit. that day on september 3rd 2002 it was pure love at first site. i will admit to feeling very left behind when my brother had announced that there would be a new baby in the family months prior and was just surrrre that i would lose the top spot in my brothers radar.

and you know what...i did.

and it was 1000% worth it the minute the nurse popped in the room to where my sisterinlaw had just given birth and wheeled a beautiful baby boy into the room who was very fussy and hungry. infact....my brother lost his spot on my radar as i picked him up and did what just felt natural. even though he wasn't fully mine and i wasn't the one who had given birth to him...he became a part of me that will forever be attached.

from that point on my world was completely  turned upside down and made magical and very busy thanks to that sweet baby boy. he has been my constant in a life full of ups and downs. he has shown me what it's really like to be a  mother and to really embrace and love the divine right that heavenly father has given to us women to hold and nurture and care for a child.

Happy Birthday my sweet Baby! more birthday madness to come....

When life gets you down..Get a Pedicure (No, srsly!)

today, it seems the monthly hormones were kicked up a knotch or two. or three. i was crancky. hormonal. and my emotions were all over the place. and all i really wanted was my mom.

to the world, i'm really good at putting away my grief and not letting it show. it's been 4 years now and really (an truly) i'm okay. my life is a new normal and one that i'm happy with. but let's face it....shes gone. i don't have my mom around to tell me i'm pretty or comment on my toe nails or curl up in her bed and let her rub my head. or tell her all about a certain boy-girl friendship that just seems to be going no where. today, all i wanted was to feel pretty. and to hear it. you know, the comments only moms can tell you that you might truly believe for a second or two before rolling your eyes but deep inside you know that when she says it, it's true?
i miss her so much. i miss her voice and the look in her eye when she saw me.

my self esteem and confidence have been almost non-existent these days (boy is this a pity party!)
so, when life like this comes along...i go and do something realllly girlie.
i have never had a pedicure before and oooooh am i now spoiled. it was.....heavenly. and way ultra girlie lol a whole hour and half to massaging my legs with lotions, skin crystals, hot towels and making my toes extra cute and soft.

prayers for Ruby Jane {a beautiful little fighter}

i do not know them at all. though mutual friends of friends we do have. for the last few weeks i have been following their family blog and checking everyday to see if sweet little ruby jane will finally get her new liver.

won't you please check out their family blog and read their story? the pictures of this sweet mother and her aching desire to have her baby healthy has me praying every night for their miracle. ruby jane needs a new liver. and fast. oh so very fast. please join me, and say a prayer for ruby jane.

the honest files {let's get real here}

a few weeks back a dear blog friend posted a real honest to goodness, tell it like it is post. i absolutely stood up and applauded her! i thought it was brilliant in every way. cause, really. let's be honest. our lives are not as cute and put together as our blogs look. or that post that took hours to post of how clean our cabinets are. or how beautiful that picture of such  posted of how super decorated her living room was blah blah blah. what we all don't see in such posts as those, especially if there my posts is that HUGE, gigantic pile of laundry and  undies and towels in my hallway that get left there for weeks!

so tonight, i thought it would be fun to dish out the dirt. to say what i really want to say! and as honest abe would say...always tell the truth *said with a really big grin*



first off, I LOVE TO READ HISTORICAL ROMANCE NOVELS! there, i said it. yep, that's right. you know the ones with the really sensual pictures (though a lot are not like that anymore...just sayin) on the front? i have about hundred or so of them. and love every minute of it! a dashing young man with a title in england and some wallflower young maiden standing against the wall not dancing at a ball who finally get's her chance -sighs!..... or what about the the 1500's Scottish lord who has to marry the girl in order to save his lands.....adore it! though i do for reals...make sure there not the steamy steamy ones! truth.

i only shave my legs maybe......twice a week...maybe. and i have no shame going to target or oldnavy and such in shorts or capries with my hairy legs showing if your really interested in looking!


if you ever drive with me, then you must know i have road rage. little ol' grandmas on the road....MOVE IT!
as i drive by you with my black shades on from gap with the radio blasting or my ipod on shuffle.

when it comes to comments, i really only comment if i have anything to say and i feel like it. and as for comments on my own blog....it really started to bug me that people wouldn't comment when i just new you were reading/looking.So, i knew i was contradicting my own self  and  took them off.

in the mornings, pleaaasssse for the love of all thats holy, don't speak to me! i hate chatter after i have just woken up. hate it! annnnnd never speak to me when i'm watching a tv show or you can clearly see that i'm reading something.

i can't stand it when people  have bad grammer on facebook. or do not put periods to finish a sentence.
ummm hello? that's what the red underline is for!


if your ever at my house, 85% of the time....it's a mess. i work at the hospital lonnnnng hours and so coming home around 9 or 10 pm...it's the last thing i would ever want to do. clean. so just sayin....my hallway will probably be full of piled up laundry or the living room full of books and magazines and what ever night shorts i threw under the couch. the dining room table piled with young women crafts and handouts and whatever house project i'm working on.

i'm addicted to organizing everything. everything has to have a label and a cute basket in the shelves to be placed in. and i'm being really honest. it will drive me nut's to not have my cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom organized an labeled!


and finally...tierra does indeed let some words slip out fly. ever since i was a little girl and i watched the ending scene of Rhett Butler walk out on Scarlett as he says "Frankly my dear, i just don't give a damn..." it became a lifelong goal/bucket list hopeful to say that to some one an SOOOO mean it!


well, there you have it for now! i hope you took this as fun and laughable. like you all don't have your honest secrets too! until next time.....i'm going to go finish my book (and it's NOT a romance novel...for now anway LOL) goodnight!

Church Parking Lot's at Night {justin & me} Part 2

taking leaps of faith are such a scary thing! scarrrrrry. as i stood there at the end of his car with my drink in hand that i had bought from mcdonalds...the story just came tumbling out. i told him how thanksgiving was the worst holiday i had ever spent. that i felt like he was ready to bolt at any second and how he was so stiff and silent. that i was miserable. that i was even tempted to bolt myself that embarrassing november day. i poured out how i spent the next few months crying at night wondering what had i done? what was going on inside his head. a few times the poor boy tried to get a word in edge wise and i would just hold up my hands and say
"WAIT! let me finish. i need to get this all out." and continue on.  i'm smiling right now as i'm remembering his face as he would still try to jump in every few minutes. poor guy. he didn't see a thing like that coming!


as i started to finish, he had this slightly annoyed look on his face with sheer determination to finally jump into the conversation.

 at last, he looked me straight in the eye and told me i reallllly just didnt know him.

 that hurt. really hurt. stung you might could say.

he said that if i did, then i should have come to him sooner. even the very day after thanksgiving. that his thought process for that day was to be on his best behavior. not his loud, flirty, sometimes obnoxious self. that he didn't want to embarrass me. that he had heard how my family liked to pick on me being the single one and that he didn't want to do or say anything to cause me embarrassment."ooooh justin, if you would have just been your true self for just ten minutes....TEN MINUTES! everything would have been SOOOO much better" i exclaimed!


"Tierra, you have one MAJOR wall up too you know! because i had NO idea that this was how you felt. Your poker face is rock solid." he countered back.

we went over everything. every little detail. I had told myself that this was it and we were going to lay this all out on the table. except for one teeny weenie minor detail..... that i just happen to semi sorta, well maybe...like him.

i left that part out.


as the night went on we were there from 9:30 pm till Midnight. Just him and me. It felt so liberating.
but at the same time, so mind numbing bad. knowing that i just couldn't bring myself to let out anymore.

i told him how i felt like i had lost a really good friend.that at the end of the day, that had been the worst part.

after everything was said about thanksgiving, he told me that he just HAD to make all this back up to me. So, we decided on two things:

1) *laughing majorly over this one* justin has to come with me to the Breaking Dawn midnight premiere in november ANNND wear whatever "team edward" tshirt i want + a team edward bracelet. Bahahahahahahahaha! and side note: he suggested this!!!!!!

last year it took me TWO hours just to talk him into to seeing the last twilight movie. Take that sucka!

and 2) he's coming to my families christmas eve party. on that one, well...let's just say if i thought i was nervous about how thanksgiving was going to go last year ....this will take my nerves to a whole new level. and he also came up with this idea as well.

we sealed it with a pinkie promise. (yep...this boy pinkie promises lol)

from that point on in the conversation we went to a little of everything. his plans. his insecurities. mine as well. from talking about his mission and things to come. our jobs and long working hours. a lot more on how closed up i can be. to us flirting.

i knew it was getting pretty late. and  much to his jerky statement previous, i do know him. so well that he would have stayed with me all night and let me (us) just keep talking away. so i did what i always do.

let the boy have his exit.

as i stretched up for a hug (justin's 6'3 and as you all know...i'm a shorite) i told him straight in the eyes that i just could not loose him again. that i did NOT want for things to be weird between us.

he looked straight back and told me i would never loose him.

GAHHHH! ladies!  that's when it sucked! it sucked because i will be loosing him. he is leaving.

THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS for the not-so-cool BYU Idaho! that means when he comes to Christmas Eve...that will be our last time seeing each other. Merry merry christmas tierra.

well, i told ya this story had a good ending. and to that night, it did.

I got my friend back with everything out in the open ...except for...well, you know!

i wish i could tell ya that we ended up together. that we smooched the rest of the night away LOLOL though id be willing to bet my bishop would not have approved on that last part so its a good thing we didnt :)

so really an truly, the ending is ....i just don't know. The end.

PS. all of you can do me a big fat favor though if you ever see me around at church with a really tall good looking guy and tell him to get with the program!

Church Parking Lot's at Night {justin & me} *updated*

last night something amazing happened within myself. something my friends and my family have been waiting for me to do. something i didn't think i ever had inside myself. it all happened so fast, i just had to do it and not think. or even blink for that matter.


this is the story about a friendship between a boy and girl. oh wont you ever so come back later to read it? it has a good ending, i promise.

until then. xoxox


****the scoop****

it was this past Wednesday night. my heart was pounding in my chest. i could here the beats per second from the blood flow in my ear drums. my dear friend christy j. who has known me all the way back to adam listened on the phone as i just explained in a rushed, panicked voice " i blew it! i just blewwwww it! i'm never going to be able to go through with this! and then he'll leave and marry some sickening molly mormon from idaho and i'll just hate her! as i hate myself!!!!" i loudly sobbed. immediately christy knew what to do. she told me very firmly in her "Rhett Butler" "I don't give a D*** how badly this will suck" tone to get off the phone with her, call him up, tell him that we needed to talk that very night OR       let.     it (him)     go.



in that moment i could see it all. feel it all. back to that late November afternoon when my dearest guy friend Justin came to my families thanksgiving dinner last year and ended up breaking my heart. to read about that, go here and here.


for you see, all these months since last November it's been building up inside to what really happened. what was his thoughts on that infamous night? did i just imagine all of this? was it really that bad? WHAT really was that boy thinking? nights i would spend months going over it and trying to view it from all angles how this admiring young man i had felt so lucky to call my friend changed over the course of one family holiday dinner.

and that's when i did it. i just hung up on christy and hit justins number on my cell so fast that i didnt even blink or miss a beat. early that Wednesday night, he had come up to help me with my young women beehive church activity. i had told myself earlier that day that if i saw a moment to speak to him alone. as in alone, alone....i would ask him.

ask him just what in the hoo-ha happened that terrible, embarrassing thanksgiving day. but as the evening progressed, the moment just never came. or it came and i chickened out at the last minute. as i said goodbye to him talking to a mutal friend in the church parking lot and realizing that i would never get him alone without me making the "big step"...i walked to my car with a heavy heart.

that's when i called christy.


when he answered the phone on the third ring i just remember making myself speak english and ask him if he was still in the church parking lot talking to our friend? as he said yes, i asked if he could stay a while longer, that i was turning around and needed to speak to him. that it was important. and that we HAD to be alone.

he said he would.

oooh boy, in that moment, i thought what had i just done?!?! was i realllly going to do this? YOU BET!

i raced back to the church building. as i pulled into the parking lot, i gasped as i saw that our friend was still there. i pulled near justins car and tried to make myself look like i was busy reading text messages and going over my young women Manuel, it felt like forever just waiting there. even though i think it was only just five or six minutes.

finally i glanced over and saw our friends car lights turn on and drive away.

"okay. this is it" i said to myself.....


as i got out of the car and walked over, he smiled and just stood there. i looked up, took a breath, and as they say....just let it all fly!





Part 2 to be continued

a few scenes from a summer almost gone

my summer so far has looked a little bit like this:

(or at least when i remember to snap a picture with my phone, I've done a lot more then the photos posted here)

picking lot's and lot's of strawberries on our friends farm

walks with dear friends  at steele's creek park

taking care of a sweet sometimes cranky little boy who had his tonsils removed

actually going to girls camp as a leader and staying the night. a total success from a girl who just loves hates camping!

laying out in a pretty sundress on the boat docks while the sun goes down and watching the stars come out

going back to the marina with friends for a concert and shaken what the momma gave ya!

the good life {song obsessed}

i love this song so much. all my life, i can remember my aunt carolyn telling me how life has so much good in it. and even though life has so much heartache....so much pain and suffering.....I say life is still good. it is oh so good. from kind smiles to simple days of cleaning and folding fresh sheets from the dryer to sitting in church and singing your favorite hymn. simple things that i hope you my dear readers...string them along and find that life and being here and having this chance that heavenly father has given us to explore.....is oh so good.

i'll see you when I see you {a sad farewell}

my younger cousin carrie and her husband sergei {pronounced ser.gay} are moving. boo! their moving in less then a week to Birmingham, Alabama for sergei to start a new job. i'm quiet upset. carrie and me have grown up together and all of us girl cousins are close. when we can find the time we do movie nights together. we phone call each other when family gossip breaks out. and of course i boss her around and make her come to EVERY twilight movie event. i don't like change! and i don't like the fact that my little awesome cousin is moving away from us. she has tempted me with wooing words of great shopping trips and new places to see for visits but still....

i do not like goodbyes. to check out a really funny picture of me and carrie when we were little girls playing together, go here.

New York (Meeting Rob and Reese)

 finally posting my picures from new york. there are SO many of them that to just save time, I'm posting just some from my two days walking around New York. my hotel that was a cross the street from the movie theater where the premiere took place. seeing ground zero and the memorial wall that wraps around the building right across from the site. and then the ones of me meeting the author Sarah Gruen who wrote Water for Elephants while standing inline during major rainstorms. the ones from the early morning of the set up of the red carpet and tv crew after tv crew taking pictures and fliming us pathectic looking fans who has been in that line for 16 hours! and then of course, Rob and Reese coming right up to me at my number 23 spot on the fan section red carpet event.
There is still some other posts (pictures) on my trip i would like to post about but this will do for now. for a very short, summed up info on how this all came to be and my picture with Rob, go here. I have videos and other photos to share but...you get the gist! it will go down as one of the biggest events of my life that i never EVER thought would happen. or, will ever forget!