taking leaps of faith are such a scary thing! scarrrrrry. as i stood there at the end of his car with my drink in hand that i had bought from mcdonalds...the story just came tumbling out. i told him how thanksgiving was the worst holiday i had ever spent. that i felt like he was ready to bolt at any second and how he was so stiff and silent. that i was miserable. that i was even tempted to bolt myself that embarrassing november day. i poured out how i spent the next few months crying at night wondering what had i done? what was going on inside his head. a few times the poor boy tried to get a word in edge wise and i would just hold up my hands and say
"WAIT! let me finish. i need to get this all out." and continue on. i'm smiling right now as i'm remembering his face as he would still try to jump in every few minutes. poor guy. he didn't see a thing like that coming!
as i started to finish, he had this slightly annoyed look on his face with sheer determination to finally jump into the conversation.
at last, he looked me straight in the eye and told me i reallllly just didnt know him.
that hurt. really hurt. stung you might could say.
he said that if i did, then i should have come to him sooner. even the very day after thanksgiving. that his thought process for that day was to be on his best behavior. not his loud, flirty, sometimes obnoxious self. that he didn't want to embarrass me. that he had heard how my family liked to pick on me being the single one and that he didn't want to do or say anything to cause me embarrassment."ooooh justin, if you would have just been your true self for just ten minutes....TEN MINUTES! everything would have been SOOOO much better" i exclaimed!
"Tierra, you have one MAJOR wall up too you know! because i had NO idea that this was how you felt. Your poker face is rock solid." he countered back.
we went over everything. every little detail. I had told myself that this was it and we were going to lay this all out on the table. except for one teeny weenie minor detail..... that i just happen to semi sorta, well maybe...
i left that part out.
as the night went on we were there from 9:30 pm till Midnight. Just him and me. It felt so liberating.
but at the same time, so mind numbing bad. knowing that i just couldn't bring myself to let out anymore.
i told him how i felt like i had lost a really good friend.that at the end of the day, that had been the worst part.
after everything was said about thanksgiving, he told me that he just HAD to make all this back up to me. So, we decided on two things:
1) *laughing majorly over this one* justin has to come with me to the Breaking Dawn midnight premiere in november ANNND wear whatever "team edward" tshirt i want + a team edward bracelet. Bahahahahahahahaha! and side note: he suggested this!!!!!!
last year it took me TWO hours just to talk him into to seeing the last twilight movie. Take that sucka!
and 2) he's coming to my families christmas eve party. on that one, well...let's just say if i thought i was nervous about how thanksgiving was going to go last year ....this will take my nerves to a whole new level. and he also came up with this idea as well.
we sealed it with a pinkie promise. (yep...this boy pinkie promises lol)
from that point on in the conversation we went to a little of everything. his plans. his insecurities. mine as well. from talking about his mission and things to come. our jobs and long working hours. a lot more on how closed up i can be. to us flirting.
i knew it was getting pretty late. and much to his jerky statement previous, i do know him. so well that he would have stayed with me all night and let me (us) just keep talking away. so i did what i always do.
let the boy have his exit.
as i stretched up for a hug (justin's 6'3 and as you all know...i'm a shorite) i told him straight in the eyes that i just could not loose him again. that i did NOT want for things to be weird between us.
he looked straight back and told me i would never loose him.
GAHHHH! ladies! that's when it sucked! it sucked because i will be loosing him. he is leaving.
THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS for the not-so-cool BYU Idaho! that means when he comes to Christmas Eve...that will be our last time seeing each other. Merry merry christmas tierra.
well, i told ya this story had a good ending. and to that night, it did.
I got my friend back with everything out in the open ...except for...well, you know!
i wish i could tell ya that we ended up together. that we smooched the rest of the night away LOLOL though id be willing to bet my bishop would not have approved on that last part so its a good thing we didnt :)
so really an truly, the ending is ....i just don't know. The end.
PS. all of you can do me a big fat favor though if you ever see me around at church with a really tall good looking guy and tell him to get with the program!
