tonight, at this very moment, I am craving an apple. big news isn't it? really though, i just finished an oh so rich-should-be-sinful brownie (with chocolate chunks inside) and now i'm in the mood for something healthy. weird i know. oh how i already know i'm weird! i figured though that i needed to update my blog on where i'm at right now. though as my Sunday is just about over since it's 10:01 pm, i feel the need to just relay some facts. in less then a week, i will be at the beach. my toes are already screaming to be painted hot pink and i have a list of books to read while sitting in the sand. were going down though because it will be my nephews 8th birthday. eight years old is so hard to believe. i just can't understand why time is moving so quickly? i want it to stop! or, at least slow down. for me though, i'm still working at the hospital and i'm trying to get in as much hours as my sanity will let me so i can hit the stores an outlets while at myrtle beach. the thing with my new "fella" is over. well, over sounds so drastic when really it was just me deciding that other then work and co-worker happenings, we don't really have anything in common. we see the world completely different. i mean, i wasn't expecting anything from this at all and it's been completely natural for things to just ease into a stop. so please note, i am completely okay with that. in other things, my favorite thing right now has been reorganizing my kitchen. i have SO many pictures to show and i'm ever so excited to post them. i've also been doing a lot of thinking. thinking of things par-taining to my soul. things on how much i love the gospel of Jesus Christ that's upon this earth. on how the temple is the only place i will ever allow myself to get married in. thinking about that dream i had a few years back where i was talking with my grandfather and he chuckled softly and said "it wasn't what you thought it would be". those endearing words ring true in mind in everything consisting of my life. the good and the bad. how i wish though to just chat with my mom. i never really saw how much i asked for her opinion on things or just how much i would dramatically explain my life to her sometimes until now. i've been thinking so much about the temple and all the beautiful temples we have on this earth. everyday i pray to heavenly father that my life will settle down and fall into step so that i can go back. i've constantly been relying on prayer and pouring everything i have to my father in heaven to make it through this wonderful opportunity we have to experience this time on earth. my life isnt perfect. there are deep sorrows that i find myself rehashing over and over in mind at night. there are places i want to see and peoples lives i would like to touch. there are endless worries that sometimes i feel like i just want to go home (not in the suicide way at all people-more like the, if i could just walk with the savior all day "home") so i don't have to worry about them.
prayer is so important to me. as i look back at all those Sunday school lessons and talks from my mom, i can't believe how right she was. is. i can tell you with an absolute power within my knowledge that my momma still prays for me everyday. and i tell her too. infact, i tell every one too! okay, well not everyone! but, there is the most sweetest, spunkiest little elderly lady in my ward and we have talks every sunday on how she remembers me in her prayers for me to find the right one or him find me and marry me! (LAUGHING OUT LOUD!) oh god bless her heart for that! and you know, i truly know that she means it and actually is! a few weeks back, i was in a heated debate about my religion. in not going into detail, i kept telling myself to just stay calm and bear my heart. my testimony. i do not have to prove to anyone of what i know to be true. well, after if happened, for days my thoughts and mind struggled with the thought that i didn't give my church justice. that i "let down" my religion. i was in a constant thought that i failed some how and my heart was pretty broken. one night, i finally couldn't take it anymore. in another round of telling my father in heaven everything and crying like there was no tomorrow, the most precious words entered into my mind. "let not your heart be troubled, for I, the lord, am with thee." i bare to who ever is reading this that i know that my father in heaven heard me. that he loves me. that he knows my heart. and he knows of my testimony. that i do not have to make the whole world see or understand. that all i have to do is bare my heart. to state what i know to be true and to let the rest, rest. that's all i can do. with that being said, these last few days have just been going over all the things i need to better my self on. goals to work on for the rest of the year. of course, i have to report for the end that last night i saw eclipse in theaters for my 5th and final time. you see, my sucka of a friend justin has done nothing but egg me on since we met about my twilight madness. and so, he cannot WAIT to see that vampires sucks movie. i hate spoof movies. regardless that this ones about twilight, all the others spoofs are just down right stupid. so, we made a deal. he went and saw eclipse last night with me and friends and now i will go an see that darn vampire sucks movie with him. to know justin, you would know that that was one deal i just couldn't let pass up LOL
