last night something amazing happened within myself. something my friends and my family have been waiting for me to do. something i didn't think i ever had inside myself. it all happened so fast, i just had to do it and not think. or even blink for that matter.
this is the story about a friendship between a boy and girl. oh wont you ever so come back later to read it? it has a good ending, i promise.
until then. xoxox
****the scoop****
it was this past Wednesday night. my heart was pounding in my chest. i could here the beats per second from the blood flow in my ear drums. my dear friend christy j. who has known me all the way back to adam listened on the phone as i just explained in a rushed, panicked voice " i blew it! i just blewwwww it! i'm never going to be able to go through with this! and then he'll leave and marry some sickening molly mormon from idaho and i'll just hate her! as i hate myself!!!!" i loudly sobbed. immediately christy knew what to do. she told me very firmly in her "Rhett Butler" "I don't give a D*** how badly this will suck" tone to get off the phone with her, call him up, tell him that we needed to talk that very night OR let. it (him) go.
in that moment i could see it all. feel it all. back to that late November afternoon when my dearest guy friend Justin came to my families thanksgiving dinner last year and ended up breaking my heart. to read about that, go here and here.
for you see, all these months since last November it's been building up inside to what really happened. what was his thoughts on that infamous night? did i just imagine all of this? was it really that bad? WHAT really was that boy thinking? nights i would spend months going over it and trying to view it from all angles how this admiring young man i had felt so lucky to call my friend changed over the course of one family holiday dinner.
and that's when i did it. i just hung up on christy and hit justins number on my cell so fast that i didnt even blink or miss a beat. early that Wednesday night, he had come up to help me with my young women beehive church activity. i had told myself earlier that day that if i saw a moment to speak to him alone. as in alone, alone....i would ask him.
ask him just what in the hoo-ha happened that terrible, embarrassing thanksgiving day. but as the evening progressed, the moment just never came. or it came and i chickened out at the last minute. as i said goodbye to him talking to a mutal friend in the church parking lot and realizing that i would never get him alone without me making the "big step"...i walked to my car with a heavy heart.
that's when i called christy.
when he answered the phone on the third ring i just remember making myself speak english and ask him if he was still in the church parking lot talking to our friend? as he said yes, i asked if he could stay a while longer, that i was turning around and needed to speak to him. that it was important. and that we HAD to be alone.
he said he would.
oooh boy, in that moment, i thought what had i just done?!?! was i realllly going to do this? YOU BET!
i raced back to the church building. as i pulled into the parking lot, i gasped as i saw that our friend was still there. i pulled near justins car and tried to make myself look like i was busy reading text messages and going over my young women Manuel, it felt like forever just waiting there. even though i think it was only just five or six minutes.
finally i glanced over and saw our friends car lights turn on and drive away.
"okay. this is it" i said to myself.....
as i got out of the car and walked over, he smiled and just stood there. i looked up, took a breath, and as they say....just let it all fly!
Part 2 to be continued
