Tonight, I have a million things running through my mind. Which, A. is a bad thing. Which, B. is annoying as heck. Which, C. is a REALLY bad thing. I'm coming to Utah in just a little bit shy of two weeks. I honestly do not know if it's the right thing to do. I mean at least the first week, I'll be there for my friends wedding and I wouldnt miss it for the world but really...the second week? I just don't know. People have been saying it's nerves and worrying about flying. SO not true. I love to travel and I have been on dozens of trips without a single family member around and that's just not it. The flying part, Are you kidding me? I can't wait to fly! Now that's exciting. ---So small town girl right?--I just can't put my finger on it but I just don't have a good feeling about this. Not really a bad feeling. But not a great one either. I just keep thinking of all the other things I could be doing/using my money with. Things I really should be using it for. Like School. A car. Anywho, the ticket's bought and that's that. And if I hear one more time "maybe you'll meet someone"...I'm going to say a really bad word (maybe a few) that i'm sure my bishop wouldnt want me to be saying or my mother for that matter.
Speaking of my mother, this Sunday will mark the third year. Three blasted whole years since I heard her voice. That's all I'm gonna say about that. Then when I switch to something Else, I think about children. A husband. My own home. And what/where will I be at in the next 5 years of my life. Now, I forewarn you all DO NOT blow up my inbox of notes that my time will come. I have a right to my own pity party every now and then, when it comes to matters of the heart. Or lack there of, I should say. Then there are friends. At 24 turning 25 in November I have finally started to realize that you just can't charm them all. As in, not everybody is going to like you. Or you like them. I've come to see those who I want to be my friend and those I do not. In this world, were all trying. Trying for life. Happiness. And if you can't be my friend and except the good and the bad both ways, then I have no need for you to string me along. I am who I am. I'm still learning. Still trying. And if you can't or don't like the way I am, them I don't want you in my life either. I'm truly seeing my friends for who and what they are.... that's for sure.
Oh. It's midnight. The trash needs to be taken out and then off to bed and my book I'm reading.
Knowing me, I'll just end up thinking some more....Don't you just wish we had an off button sometimes?
