When life gets you down..Get a Pedicure (No, srsly!)

today, it seems the monthly hormones were kicked up a knotch or two. or three. i was crancky. hormonal. and my emotions were all over the place. and all i really wanted was my mom.

to the world, i'm really good at putting away my grief and not letting it show. it's been 4 years now and really (an truly) i'm okay. my life is a new normal and one that i'm happy with. but let's face it....shes gone. i don't have my mom around to tell me i'm pretty or comment on my toe nails or curl up in her bed and let her rub my head. or tell her all about a certain boy-girl friendship that just seems to be going no where. today, all i wanted was to feel pretty. and to hear it. you know, the comments only moms can tell you that you might truly believe for a second or two before rolling your eyes but deep inside you know that when she says it, it's true?
i miss her so much. i miss her voice and the look in her eye when she saw me.

my self esteem and confidence have been almost non-existent these days (boy is this a pity party!)
so, when life like this comes along...i go and do something realllly girlie.
i have never had a pedicure before and oooooh am i now spoiled. it was.....heavenly. and way ultra girlie lol a whole hour and half to massaging my legs with lotions, skin crystals, hot towels and making my toes extra cute and soft.

prayers for Ruby Jane {a beautiful little fighter}

i do not know them at all. though mutual friends of friends we do have. for the last few weeks i have been following their family blog and checking everyday to see if sweet little ruby jane will finally get her new liver.

won't you please check out their family blog and read their story? the pictures of this sweet mother and her aching desire to have her baby healthy has me praying every night for their miracle. ruby jane needs a new liver. and fast. oh so very fast. please join me, and say a prayer for ruby jane.

the honest files {let's get real here}

a few weeks back a dear blog friend posted a real honest to goodness, tell it like it is post. i absolutely stood up and applauded her! i thought it was brilliant in every way. cause, really. let's be honest. our lives are not as cute and put together as our blogs look. or that post that took hours to post of how clean our cabinets are. or how beautiful that picture of such  posted of how super decorated her living room was blah blah blah. what we all don't see in such posts as those, especially if there my posts is that HUGE, gigantic pile of laundry and  undies and towels in my hallway that get left there for weeks!

so tonight, i thought it would be fun to dish out the dirt. to say what i really want to say! and as honest abe would say...always tell the truth *said with a really big grin*



first off, I LOVE TO READ HISTORICAL ROMANCE NOVELS! there, i said it. yep, that's right. you know the ones with the really sensual pictures (though a lot are not like that anymore...just sayin) on the front? i have about hundred or so of them. and love every minute of it! a dashing young man with a title in england and some wallflower young maiden standing against the wall not dancing at a ball who finally get's her chance -sighs!..... or what about the the 1500's Scottish lord who has to marry the girl in order to save his lands.....adore it! though i do for reals...make sure there not the steamy steamy ones! truth.

i only shave my legs maybe......twice a week...maybe. and i have no shame going to target or oldnavy and such in shorts or capries with my hairy legs showing if your really interested in looking!


if you ever drive with me, then you must know i have road rage. little ol' grandmas on the road....MOVE IT!
as i drive by you with my black shades on from gap with the radio blasting or my ipod on shuffle.

when it comes to comments, i really only comment if i have anything to say and i feel like it. and as for comments on my own blog....it really started to bug me that people wouldn't comment when i just new you were reading/looking.So, i knew i was contradicting my own self  and  took them off.

in the mornings, pleaaasssse for the love of all thats holy, don't speak to me! i hate chatter after i have just woken up. hate it! annnnnd never speak to me when i'm watching a tv show or you can clearly see that i'm reading something.

i can't stand it when people  have bad grammer on facebook. or do not put periods to finish a sentence.
ummm hello? that's what the red underline is for!


if your ever at my house, 85% of the time....it's a mess. i work at the hospital lonnnnng hours and so coming home around 9 or 10 pm...it's the last thing i would ever want to do. clean. so just sayin....my hallway will probably be full of piled up laundry or the living room full of books and magazines and what ever night shorts i threw under the couch. the dining room table piled with young women crafts and handouts and whatever house project i'm working on.

i'm addicted to organizing everything. everything has to have a label and a cute basket in the shelves to be placed in. and i'm being really honest. it will drive me nut's to not have my cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom organized an labeled!


and finally...tierra does indeed let some words slip out fly. ever since i was a little girl and i watched the ending scene of Rhett Butler walk out on Scarlett as he says "Frankly my dear, i just don't give a damn..." it became a lifelong goal/bucket list hopeful to say that to some one an SOOOO mean it!


well, there you have it for now! i hope you took this as fun and laughable. like you all don't have your honest secrets too! until next time.....i'm going to go finish my book (and it's NOT a romance novel...for now anway LOL) goodnight!

Church Parking Lot's at Night {justin & me} Part 2

taking leaps of faith are such a scary thing! scarrrrrry. as i stood there at the end of his car with my drink in hand that i had bought from mcdonalds...the story just came tumbling out. i told him how thanksgiving was the worst holiday i had ever spent. that i felt like he was ready to bolt at any second and how he was so stiff and silent. that i was miserable. that i was even tempted to bolt myself that embarrassing november day. i poured out how i spent the next few months crying at night wondering what had i done? what was going on inside his head. a few times the poor boy tried to get a word in edge wise and i would just hold up my hands and say
"WAIT! let me finish. i need to get this all out." and continue on.  i'm smiling right now as i'm remembering his face as he would still try to jump in every few minutes. poor guy. he didn't see a thing like that coming!


as i started to finish, he had this slightly annoyed look on his face with sheer determination to finally jump into the conversation.

 at last, he looked me straight in the eye and told me i reallllly just didnt know him.

 that hurt. really hurt. stung you might could say.

he said that if i did, then i should have come to him sooner. even the very day after thanksgiving. that his thought process for that day was to be on his best behavior. not his loud, flirty, sometimes obnoxious self. that he didn't want to embarrass me. that he had heard how my family liked to pick on me being the single one and that he didn't want to do or say anything to cause me embarrassment."ooooh justin, if you would have just been your true self for just ten minutes....TEN MINUTES! everything would have been SOOOO much better" i exclaimed!


"Tierra, you have one MAJOR wall up too you know! because i had NO idea that this was how you felt. Your poker face is rock solid." he countered back.

we went over everything. every little detail. I had told myself that this was it and we were going to lay this all out on the table. except for one teeny weenie minor detail..... that i just happen to semi sorta, well maybe...like him.

i left that part out.


as the night went on we were there from 9:30 pm till Midnight. Just him and me. It felt so liberating.
but at the same time, so mind numbing bad. knowing that i just couldn't bring myself to let out anymore.

i told him how i felt like i had lost a really good friend.that at the end of the day, that had been the worst part.

after everything was said about thanksgiving, he told me that he just HAD to make all this back up to me. So, we decided on two things:

1) *laughing majorly over this one* justin has to come with me to the Breaking Dawn midnight premiere in november ANNND wear whatever "team edward" tshirt i want + a team edward bracelet. Bahahahahahahahaha! and side note: he suggested this!!!!!!

last year it took me TWO hours just to talk him into to seeing the last twilight movie. Take that sucka!

and 2) he's coming to my families christmas eve party. on that one, well...let's just say if i thought i was nervous about how thanksgiving was going to go last year ....this will take my nerves to a whole new level. and he also came up with this idea as well.

we sealed it with a pinkie promise. (yep...this boy pinkie promises lol)

from that point on in the conversation we went to a little of everything. his plans. his insecurities. mine as well. from talking about his mission and things to come. our jobs and long working hours. a lot more on how closed up i can be. to us flirting.

i knew it was getting pretty late. and  much to his jerky statement previous, i do know him. so well that he would have stayed with me all night and let me (us) just keep talking away. so i did what i always do.

let the boy have his exit.

as i stretched up for a hug (justin's 6'3 and as you all know...i'm a shorite) i told him straight in the eyes that i just could not loose him again. that i did NOT want for things to be weird between us.

he looked straight back and told me i would never loose him.

GAHHHH! ladies!  that's when it sucked! it sucked because i will be loosing him. he is leaving.

THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS for the not-so-cool BYU Idaho! that means when he comes to Christmas Eve...that will be our last time seeing each other. Merry merry christmas tierra.

well, i told ya this story had a good ending. and to that night, it did.

I got my friend back with everything out in the open ...except for...well, you know!

i wish i could tell ya that we ended up together. that we smooched the rest of the night away LOLOL though id be willing to bet my bishop would not have approved on that last part so its a good thing we didnt :)

so really an truly, the ending is ....i just don't know. The end.

PS. all of you can do me a big fat favor though if you ever see me around at church with a really tall good looking guy and tell him to get with the program!

Church Parking Lot's at Night {justin & me} *updated*

last night something amazing happened within myself. something my friends and my family have been waiting for me to do. something i didn't think i ever had inside myself. it all happened so fast, i just had to do it and not think. or even blink for that matter.


this is the story about a friendship between a boy and girl. oh wont you ever so come back later to read it? it has a good ending, i promise.

until then. xoxox


****the scoop****

it was this past Wednesday night. my heart was pounding in my chest. i could here the beats per second from the blood flow in my ear drums. my dear friend christy j. who has known me all the way back to adam listened on the phone as i just explained in a rushed, panicked voice " i blew it! i just blewwwww it! i'm never going to be able to go through with this! and then he'll leave and marry some sickening molly mormon from idaho and i'll just hate her! as i hate myself!!!!" i loudly sobbed. immediately christy knew what to do. she told me very firmly in her "Rhett Butler" "I don't give a D*** how badly this will suck" tone to get off the phone with her, call him up, tell him that we needed to talk that very night OR       let.     it (him)     go.



in that moment i could see it all. feel it all. back to that late November afternoon when my dearest guy friend Justin came to my families thanksgiving dinner last year and ended up breaking my heart. to read about that, go here and here.


for you see, all these months since last November it's been building up inside to what really happened. what was his thoughts on that infamous night? did i just imagine all of this? was it really that bad? WHAT really was that boy thinking? nights i would spend months going over it and trying to view it from all angles how this admiring young man i had felt so lucky to call my friend changed over the course of one family holiday dinner.

and that's when i did it. i just hung up on christy and hit justins number on my cell so fast that i didnt even blink or miss a beat. early that Wednesday night, he had come up to help me with my young women beehive church activity. i had told myself earlier that day that if i saw a moment to speak to him alone. as in alone, alone....i would ask him.

ask him just what in the hoo-ha happened that terrible, embarrassing thanksgiving day. but as the evening progressed, the moment just never came. or it came and i chickened out at the last minute. as i said goodbye to him talking to a mutal friend in the church parking lot and realizing that i would never get him alone without me making the "big step"...i walked to my car with a heavy heart.

that's when i called christy.


when he answered the phone on the third ring i just remember making myself speak english and ask him if he was still in the church parking lot talking to our friend? as he said yes, i asked if he could stay a while longer, that i was turning around and needed to speak to him. that it was important. and that we HAD to be alone.

he said he would.

oooh boy, in that moment, i thought what had i just done?!?! was i realllly going to do this? YOU BET!

i raced back to the church building. as i pulled into the parking lot, i gasped as i saw that our friend was still there. i pulled near justins car and tried to make myself look like i was busy reading text messages and going over my young women Manuel, it felt like forever just waiting there. even though i think it was only just five or six minutes.

finally i glanced over and saw our friends car lights turn on and drive away.

"okay. this is it" i said to myself.....


as i got out of the car and walked over, he smiled and just stood there. i looked up, took a breath, and as they say....just let it all fly!





Part 2 to be continued

a few scenes from a summer almost gone

my summer so far has looked a little bit like this:

(or at least when i remember to snap a picture with my phone, I've done a lot more then the photos posted here)

picking lot's and lot's of strawberries on our friends farm

walks with dear friends  at steele's creek park

taking care of a sweet sometimes cranky little boy who had his tonsils removed

actually going to girls camp as a leader and staying the night. a total success from a girl who just loves hates camping!

laying out in a pretty sundress on the boat docks while the sun goes down and watching the stars come out

going back to the marina with friends for a concert and shaken what the momma gave ya!

the good life {song obsessed}

i love this song so much. all my life, i can remember my aunt carolyn telling me how life has so much good in it. and even though life has so much heartache....so much pain and suffering.....I say life is still good. it is oh so good. from kind smiles to simple days of cleaning and folding fresh sheets from the dryer to sitting in church and singing your favorite hymn. simple things that i hope you my dear readers...string them along and find that life and being here and having this chance that heavenly father has given us to explore.....is oh so good.

i'll see you when I see you {a sad farewell}

my younger cousin carrie and her husband sergei {pronounced ser.gay} are moving. boo! their moving in less then a week to Birmingham, Alabama for sergei to start a new job. i'm quiet upset. carrie and me have grown up together and all of us girl cousins are close. when we can find the time we do movie nights together. we phone call each other when family gossip breaks out. and of course i boss her around and make her come to EVERY twilight movie event. i don't like change! and i don't like the fact that my little awesome cousin is moving away from us. she has tempted me with wooing words of great shopping trips and new places to see for visits but still....

i do not like goodbyes. to check out a really funny picture of me and carrie when we were little girls playing together, go here.

New York (Meeting Rob and Reese)

 finally posting my picures from new york. there are SO many of them that to just save time, I'm posting just some from my two days walking around New York. my hotel that was a cross the street from the movie theater where the premiere took place. seeing ground zero and the memorial wall that wraps around the building right across from the site. and then the ones of me meeting the author Sarah Gruen who wrote Water for Elephants while standing inline during major rainstorms. the ones from the early morning of the set up of the red carpet and tv crew after tv crew taking pictures and fliming us pathectic looking fans who has been in that line for 16 hours! and then of course, Rob and Reese coming right up to me at my number 23 spot on the fan section red carpet event.
There is still some other posts (pictures) on my trip i would like to post about but this will do for now. for a very short, summed up info on how this all came to be and my picture with Rob, go here. I have videos and other photos to share but...you get the gist! it will go down as one of the biggest events of my life that i never EVER thought would happen. or, will ever forget!

new bedding?

 

hi! life is busy. what more can i say? i miss you blog. honestly. this week i cleaned my house, did to many loads of laundry annnnd folded them (amazing!)! i have blogs to post, a bedroom to repaint (aaaagain) and i bought this new bedding/qulit set from target. what do you think? for me, i have been coveting this quilt for a long time. so when it went on sell last week, i snatched it up. now with it being home, i wonder if i have lost the mojo love for it? hmmm....i just never can make up my own mind on decorating matters. to many ideas...

ta-ta!

Easter Sneek Peak {the pretty Hog}

easter was lovely. until i had to dash off to work {darn hospital!} but none the less, simply lovely. i have the most amazing cousins. truly i do. but hailey, takes the cake! easter pictures to come soon along with my story of new york & meeting rob but i couldn't resist sharing this to hold you through. ah, hailey bay...what firecracker you are to us. hailey is the "baby" grandchild and she tells you plainly, she is spoiled. she is also loved by all and is going to prom next week and is graduating. Oh! she is a baby no more :( are you all having a great week? more from me soon...

Oh, you know...Met Rob {!!!!} Now life is Complete

rob and me! ROB & ME! ROBERT PATTINSON standing beside ME! i wish i had the time to write the whole thing out. it's really a lonnnnng story. but, for now, i met Robert Pattinson and Reese Witherspoon and got both their autograghs and the picture with Rob. Reese's security wouldnt let us take pictures. i stood in a 16 hour line from 6pm this past Saturday in tornado rains and winds all the way until 9 am on Sunday morning to get my number 23 bracelet pass onto the fan section red carpet from FOX movie studios. the line was 500 + something and i was number 23. my friends and i had front row standing on the fan section and life. is. now. complete. anyone got any ideas on a new bigger dream? mine just came true! SQEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! the long story will come but this week i have so much life to catch back up on like work and getting ready for easter and all my young women church duties that this will have to do for now. i have a bazillion pictures and i'll be posting the links to all the youtube videos and all the news interviews we made it on asap. promise!

Song Obsessed {little to much}

lately, i have been noticing how songs playing in the back of movie trailers just pop out at me. songs that i would never had notice unless it wasn't for the trailer. with that said, the trailer for the above pictured soon to be movie something borrowed has been playing a lot on the hospital tv's we have in all the hallways. and the song played at the end of the trailer became and insane fave. to see the trailer go here. 

the song is called little to much by natasha bedingfield and i became so in love with it. so in love that it's been my driving jam, walking jam and all others "jams" to listen to. it just puts a little pop in my own step as i walk down a street or in a store. i'm also thinking about buying the book to read on the plane. anywho can't wait for the movie and i hope you like the song. toootles!!!

i sang lion king songs all day....

 my grandfather surprised me the other day at work (the hospital). thankfully he was only there for a stress test and getting some shots in the tush {tee hee}

when i asked him what for, he just calmly explained he was leaving for an African safari. i was like "say whaaaa???" okay maybe not that way but i was shocked no less. my grandfather whose in his 80's just calmly proclaimed he was not only leaving the country but going on the other side the world for a two week resort safari adventure. dang! i wannna goooooo! i'm laughing just picturing my grandfather with his best guy buddy {their so darling to watch!} trumping through the african brush! as i was grinning from ear to ear just picturing this and slightly laughing/halfway joking, I asked if he had bought one of those safari hats....he replied he did. GAH!!! it's just to cute folks to invision. i made him promise to take tons and tons of photos. oooh if only to be a zebra running through the wild arfrican side watching my 80 sumthin grandfather in his oh so african safari hat trudge along! that would be SO awesome don't ya think? i'm so jeal of him and yet extremly proud of him still living life. getting older and still moving along and taking leaps is a privilage and i was so proud to be his grandaughter. and that my coworkers were able to meet him.

so at work my coworkers got to hear (all day long i might add bahahaha) my concert rendition of lion king songs. what can i say? my grandfather inspired me to dig deep and just let the notes fly LOLOL

to listen to my top two faves and crowd pleasers go here and here. on the first song, just picture me singing the first 20 seconds of that song realllllyyyy loud on the elevators! hakuna matata people. hakuna matata!

don't let it be forgot {camelot}

dont let it be forgot, that once there was a spot. for one, brief shinning moment, that was known, as camelot.

tonight, i just finished balling my eyes out. why? you may ask... well jeepers, ever since i was wee wee little thang{seriously people} i was nosy. who me? nosy?....NO WAY! yes dear readers it's true. and with my ever always present skill for being all- things- nosy.....i was into everything. my grandmother if she were still alive would probably want to switch my legs again for my many shortcomings of snooping. anywho.....i can recall finding all my grandmothers old newspapers from when president kennedy was shot. i thought they were so cool. not in the "he was shot" way but be cause they were history. i felt like my family had something very special that know one in the world had. something in me just sparked for the kennedy family and the older  i got the more it came. i have tons of books on jack and jackie. i've studied his politics and watched every documentary there was. SOOOOO with last years announcement of the 8 part mini series on the kennedys...i was like BRING IT! i was soooo pumped. i love history and i love history when it hits close to home. as i'm typing this i just do not think i can convey enough for my deep fascination with the kennedys or jackie and her life after president kennedy was shot. some of you might not even care. and that's okay.

as it was ending tonight with the last episode with the scenes on the assassination and then bobby kennedys assassination... i cried like there was no tomorrow. as if i was there when all this took place. my heart was broken for what would never be. regardless of what you feel for this family or president kennedy as a man, he was a d*** good president. his brother bobby was my type of a man. and bobby would have been an even better president had he not have been shot in 1969.
i look at this nation now and tonight my aunt and i discussed how they might have handle the things that are going on right now. what would they have said? done? i feel like president kennedy had a true love for this nation and  his brother did as well. they were men who waded that love to make sure they covered every option before leaping when crises arise. now we have a stand where it's all for show. "change"....well, all the change we have had has been for show. i want a man as my next president who knows his country. who knows his fellow man. and so tonight i cried my eyes out for a past generation that had something special.

as my favorite poem up at the top says....
dont let it be forgot, that once their was a spot. for one brief shinning moment, that was known as camelot.

I HIGHLY recommend you watch this mini series. it was incredible the way the actors looked and sounded like the true persons they were portraying. it shed deep insight into this dynamic family.

This our Hymn of Grateful Praise

for the beauty of the earth...my favorite hymn. today, heavenly father has blessed us with beautiful sunshine and 80 degree weather. as i was driving to church this morning in my bright yellow sundress and matching bright yellow cardigan, i was noticing all the houses and their array of tulips. i want some. this week i am determined to buy some. a beautiful thought no less to start the week. to see what my friends and i planned out today to go and do....please go here and learn why this month will be so important to me. have a lovely day!

vintage suitcases

this time next week. i'll by getting ready to board my plane. i'm getting so excited! and the packing frenzy has begun. what am i going to wear? whats the weather going to be like? will my shoes be comfortable? those are the questions i keep thinking about. i love to travel! traveling to me means my life is moving. that good things are in store and with that i can't help but smile. i have to work this weekend but i'm going to try to squeeze in a few shopping trips to target and old navy and see if i come across something extra special buuuuut comfortable and practical. wish me luck won't you dearies? have a great weekend.